How Can We Help You? (Part 4 of 4)

When you are pregnant with your second do you think “How will I ever love this baby as much as I love my first?” Do you wonder “Will my firstborn be sad, or mad upon his or her baby sibling’s arrival?” Or how about “How will I ever handle TWO (or three??) children at the same time?”

Don’t worry!!! You are NOT alone. Almost all “second” time moms have these thoughts, and feelings. And it IS an adjustment, but The Baby Mavens can help you with that too, of course. ūüôā

We OFTEN times are hired by the pregnant mom of a two year old who isn’t quite sure what she needs help with when her second child arrives, but she is certain she will need help of some sort! And watching your firstborn become a big brother, or big sister is often times an experience you don’t want to miss! Wait until the very first time your older “baby” shares his most priced toy with HIS “baby”, your heart will just melt.

Sometimes the evening is a more challenging time of day for moms juggling a new baby and a toddler, or older child. There is dinner to be made, and sometimes homework to be done, and well- that baby probably wants to eat right smack dab in the middle of it all! Having a Maven there to help could look a little like this:

It’s 4pm, I arrive to a screaming toddler (he wanted the orange cup for a snack, not the red one), a crying baby in mom’s arms, and mom looking like she is on the verge too. I bend down to my buddy’s level and in a quiet voice remind him to just use his words and ask for the orange cup, he snuffles a little and says “pwease I have owange cup?” I quickly trade the offended cup out, and make a quick bottle for the baby. Then I grab said crying infant from mom, and ask “How about you have a break for a few? Can I make you a cup of tea?” She replies: “I just want a shower.” So I send Mom off to the bathroom, and shuffle the toddler into the family room with me and the baby. I settle the baby in for the bottle, and manage to read the toddler a few stories while we cuddle on the couch. The baby falls asleep, so I put her down in the nearby Pack n’ Play, and get some crayons and coloring books out for my little friend.

While he is coloring quietly, I sneak over to the kitchen and quickly throw the dishes in the sink in the dishwasher and wash the bottle. I notice there is a casserole on the counter, with directions from a friend. So I turn on the oven, and make Mom a cup of tea. When she emerges from the shower, she notices that things are a little cleaner and a little quieter so I encourage her to have a rest, which of course she graciously accepts! I peek in on the baby and her big brother, baby is sound asleep and brother is still quietly coloring away. So I sit next to him on the couch and fold a basket of laundry that was left there. I put the casserole in the oven, and get some plates and silverware out for the toddler. I know they will feed him first but that mom will wait for dad to come home to eat with him.

Just as I am sitting Big Brother down for dinner, the baby starts to make some noise and Mom comes out. She sits and nurses the baby, and we catch up for a few minutes. Then she passes the baby to me and she sits with her oldest while he eats. I take the baby over to the sink for a quick bath, and get her all snuggled up in her jammies. Mom then takes her big boy in the other room for a bath. I pop the baby in the Moby that I brought, and clean up from dinner, putting two plates aside to heat up when Dad comes home. I then take a peak at the hampers in the baby’s room, and in her brother’s, and quickly throw any dirty laundry in the washing machine. Mom and Big Brother come out of the bathroom, and head to his room for his books and bed. I bend down so that he can give his baby sister a kiss on the top of her head, and he gives me a quick hug too! (How sweet?!?!)

Mom comes out a little while later, and finds the baby swaddled in her bassinet. Dinner is just about ready, and she has a few more minutes to relax before Dad comes in. I tell her “Put your feet up and throw on that show you have been watching on Netflix! Have a great night, and see you on Thursday!”

When I leave a shift feeling like Mom has gotten to have a little break, and her babies were well cared for I totally feel a little like I should be wearing a cape! ūüôā Just call us Super Doulas!

*laurie

Just what does a Postpartum Doula do anyway?

Whenever I tell someone I am a postpartum doula, I get a variety of reactions. ¬†Some people think I am a birth doula and say something like “Oh, I could never be in the delivery room, I am not good with blood”. ¬†Others express their concerns about “Having someone take over” or “Telling me how to parent”. ¬†And others say something along the lines of “*Sigh, wouldn’t that be nice? But this isn’t my first baby, so I don’t need the extra education”.

So, today, I want to tell you what a Postpartum Doula does and DOES NOT do.

First and foremost, we are not all earth-loving, baby-wearing, holistic, breastfeeding-til-schoolage, essential oil pushing, co-sleeping, delay-vaccinating, stay-at-home mothers! ¬†If you are all of those things, we support your choices. ¬†Likewise if you are a formula-feeding, use a crib from day one, circumcising, high-powered career mother who is going back to work in 4 weeks – we support all of those choices as well. You may even be some of the former and some of the latter… Guess what? ¬†That’s okay too!

We are not there to push our ideals on you IN ANY WAY!  

A postpartum doula is there to support you as a new parent, to help you find what works best for you and your family!

¬† ¬† ¬†We can help you recognize what matters most to you, and help you achieve that. ¬†We want you to be confident and comfortable in your new role as parents. We will never take over or tell you how things ‘should’ be. We can answer questions for you and offer evidence-based support and guidance to help you make important decisions about your personal parenting style.

A postpartum doula will not prevent you from bonding with  you baby!

¬† ¬† ¬†In fact, we are there to facilitate that bonding experience. ¬†We will take care of some of the household chores so you can snuggle and cuddle your baby all you want. ¬†You won’t have to worry about the laundry, or feeding the dog, or what is for dinner. ¬†Having an extra sent of hands around so you can focus on your newborn as well as your own healing can be an invaluable experience.

Postpartum doulas are not just for first-time moms!

¬† ¬† ¬†Maybe you don’t need a lesson on how to give baby’s first bath, you can do a mean swaddle, and maybe you remember all the steps to installing the carseat, (*disclaimer – being a postpartum doula does not mean you are educated on carseat safely, but The Baby Mavens has a CPST on staff!) but every baby is different, and each new birth is a new experience for the family. ¬†We can even give you some tips on how to help big brother or big sister adjust to the new baby.

Postpartum doulas are for dads, and adoptive parents too!

¬† ¬† ¬†Yes, a doula’s main focus is to “Mother the Mother” – to help her adjust to her role physically and emotionally. ¬†But fathers benefit greatly from a little education, support and guidance. ¬†He has a new place in the household also. ¬†Not only is he a new father, but he is the husband of a new mother. Maybe he’s not sure what the signs of postpartum depression are, or maybe he just needs a few pointers on soothing the new baby – The Baby Mavens are here to help. Perhaps you’ve become a new parent in a non-traditional way, via surrogacy or adoption. ¬†Well, you are still adjusting to becoming a parent, and we can help make that adjustment as smooth as possible.

Remember, The Baby Mavens want to help your family in whatever way makes sense for you.

Looking forward to working with your family one day,

Lauren